Parenting is the only customer service industry where you’re expected to serve all the customers at once, all the time. Never mind that the customer is always wrong – he will get his own way anyway. Just as soon as you’ve dealt with his brother. Giving enough attention to each child is one of the hardest parts of parenting. What do you do when your kids won’t “take a number”?
Never Knowingly Under-screamed
I love my kids. Just not all at once. You know that scene where you sit on a lounger and your kids run happily through the sprinkler with the sun glinting rainbows off the spray? Entirely in your head, isn’t it? You haven’t got a lounger – what’s the point when within seconds, one child will have stood on something prickly? Possibly a bee, by the screams. While you’re on to that, another child will kick the sprinkler, stubbing his toe and training the spray directly at your caring backside. Bringing up the rear, the baby will be filling his soaking, cut-grass-flecked nappy for your immediate delight. Childcare feels like a case of “who screams loudest”.
Hell Hath No Misery Like A Mother Torn
If I were an octopus I could attend to my three kids while flicking through Redand sipping my wine. But as I’m not, I have the perpetual feeling that I’m individually failing all of my kids. Of course, school and pre-school take the heat off me for parts of the day and there are times when I can quite successfully ignore all of them in equal measure. But for the most part, I feel torn between my brood. When I pick up my eldest child from school, it’s like adding a sugar cube to Diet Coke. Arguments, accusations and anarchy break out immediately, while I think unhappily about how nice it would be, how different, how Oxbridge-chances-promoting it would be if I could collect him alone, and really listen to how his day at school was. Or if the younger two didn’t spend half their lives in the car. Or if I had a chauffeur.
Tears Before, During and After Bedtime
The only time that each child gets to be with me on their own (except the baby, when the others are at pre-school / school) is at bedtime. Their one shot of the day at my sole, undivided attention. Yet this is the time of the day when I am least able to give this. They want to cuddle, snuggle, listen to me reading stories, drink in my very soul. I just want to drink wine. They’re tired, I’m exhausted. They want me to stay, I want me to go. So I, eventually, go – and then I feel sad. They wanted all of me, but there wasn’t much left to give.
The Clarks Approach
If I were a shoe shop in late August, I could control the madness with a simple ticket dispenser and a firm eye on the big hand ticking to half past five. But I’m a mum. I’m a cross between a triage nurse – whose need is most acute? – and a barometer – if I address this one first, will sun or storm ensue? I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a whirlpool tossing out love, attention and mini Cheddars and hoping they stick to whoever needs it at the time. One day they’ll all be able to take a number for my attention. I just hope they’ll still want to.
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Fantastic post, and so true. My kids are all lovely when they’re on their own – my eldest is like a completely different person. Sadly, they’re hardly ever on their own. There’s three of them and one of me and they all want something!
I know, it’s so hard isn’t it?
Awww, a lovely post. Makes me feel a little better about cursing at negative HPKs!
Thanks Kate!
I may have one, but I get what you are saying.
Especially the bedtime: I wanna run to my dinner&freedom!
Every day I want bedtime to be peaceful and snuggly and it always spirals. I keep trying though!
Another astute and witty commentary! Love it xx
Thank you, whoever you are 😉 xx
Oh bab. True Dat. I feel the same at the mo with just the two. The girl wants me all the time but the boy is so demanding by the time I get to her I too am exhausted. RUBBISH! One day it will all be settled. I hope xxx
I feel sorry for my eldest too, he is last in the bedtime order and is knackered poor thing.
Oh yes with three children with different needs there is constant guilt! You can’t win – might as well give up and have a Freddo xx
Ha, you know me and my Freddos! X
I think i’m a bit emotional toady – this made me want to cry a bit! I feel so sorry for my eldest a lot of the time, he always wants me to help him or show me something when i just can’t leave the baby who is wondering off in the other direction towards a sheer drop.
Pah – they won’t remember right?! 😉 fab post as always Jess x
Thanks Katie – I know, I hate that I miss so much of the older two cos trying to keep the baby safe. X
Oh Jess, i hear you sister! I feel i’m constantly saying ‘in one wee minute’, and splitting myself three ways. Granted, i’m well past the baby stage, but between homework, extra curriculars and the four year old wanting to play constantly, it doesn’t feel that much easier. I guess we just have to remember that we’re doung the best we can. In time they’ll know that too! Great post m’love xx
Ah thanks, Emma, that’s nice to hear. I do try my best. Xx
Maybe you could actually have a ticket dispenser fitted. OH has to queue up too. It’s a fab idea Jess. If all screaming at the same time – there’s always the earplugs. (I know, I should be in the meany mums category). I’m sure you’re doing a great job and remember, they’re getting prepared for real life by having to be a bit patient etc xx
Brilliant description of that torn feeling. Those moments when everything goes from calm to two kids screaming in your face in seconds. And I only have two so have no idea how it works with three?! I imagine gin and wine top ups become even more essential…
This is such a sad yet funny post all at the same time. And perfectly describes the agonies every mother of more than one child goes through minute by minute. Spot on as always Jess, but this is one of my faves, x
Thanks Jude, that means a lot. x
Awww. I feel like this too! I wish I could split myself into three so I could give them each their own attention! My ten and two year old stayed out at their Grandparents last weekend and we just had the baby to ourselves. My word, it was great! I mean we missed the other two (of course) and it wasn’t really fair splitting them up, but it was a one-off, and we just thought how easy it was to be able to see to the needs of just one bonkers child instead of three. I am sure that Rosie felt the same, but she missed her sisters.
We do what we do to manage Jess, I am sure that you can split yourself into three and manage great 🙂 x
Thanks Kerrie. *sobs a little bit* x
Having just put all three to bed, this is very timely reading ;-). Can definitely relate – I often think the same things about wouldn’t it be nice if I could pick up eldest from school alone etc. I guess we just muddle on and do the best we can with them all! Great post. x