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| What if my husband turns into Fun Bobby? |
It was one of those awkward moments. My husband announced, “I’m going to do dry January,” and looked at me expectantly. Just as, many moons ago, heh said “I love you,” – the statement that in films usually marks a pivotal moment and the hero/ine dashing off to find their real love. I had no hesitation in responding appropriately to those three little words (“I love you too. How’s that pint coming?”). I was equally spontaneous in my reaction to his declaration of abstinence: I guffawed.
Once we’d established that he truly meant it (I don’t know about yours but my husband vows to give up drinking almost every time he’s hungover), that expectation was still hanging in the air – that I should do it too. But I don’t want to! I’ve done several years of dry-dom with pregnancy and breast-feeding so I feel like I’m all stocked up with virtue, – in this arena anyway.
My husband, however, has never done a proper dry period of more than a few days. While he barely drinks at home, his job is very social, and like many people, a couple of drinks after work now and then helps dissipate the stresses of his day. And I like to have a glass to get over doing kids’ bedtime. Our relationship doesn’t depend upon booze – but it certainly helps jolly us up on a knackered Friday night. Our courtship was mainly spent in the pub, and even since kids, we always mark occasions (and many non-occasions) with a beverage. I’m hoping he’ll become a DIY legend, as early B&Q visits have indicated, but I am concerned he will become Fun Bobby. How will we cope as a struggling sober-ton and a devious drinker?
In the interests of good wifeship, I am doing my best to support him.
Recommended ways to help your partner stick to dry January
Do it too. This is the obvious – and nicest – thing to do. But, as mentioned, I’m just not up for it. I’ve given alcohol up for a month here and there at other times, when not pregnant or breastfeeding – I feel I have nothing to prove and everything to gain from mellowing the dreariest month with the gift of the vine.
Buy “treat” soft drinks: For many of us, it is the “treat” of having a special drink at the end of the day that drives us into the arms of Madam Sauv Blanc. But often a soft drink would do the job if you just get over the mental leap – as anyone who’s been pregnant knows. My husband is a cheap date and craves only fizzy water.
Reduce drinking opportunities: Don’t cram the diary with social stuff. And whatever you do, don’t go getting a new job / pay rise / winning lottery ticket when he’s not allowed to celebrate in accustomed style.
Research the benefits and remind him of them when he has moments of weakness: sobriety is good for your health and for your wallet. Then expunge them from your mind: these are the kinds of facts you only like to think about when smugly on the wagon.
Coach him about dry social survival. Again, my pregnancy training comes to the fore here. I’ve gone through the tactics of surviving a night out without booze a few times with him now: the key is starting as you mean to go on, on soft, and letting it be known that you have some unspecified fitness event which you may or may not be training for.
Nag him while he’s out. Oh, heaven! My husband actually asked, nay begged, me to ring him at regular intervals when he’s out in the evening to remind him of his goal. Licence to nag! It’s like Christmas came late!
Plan a fab February 1st. The guy deserves a reward, even if it is a Sunday night!
Slightly naughty ways to support your husband during dry January
Drink booze in front of him, but in disguise. I’ve tried this with a water glass and a mug and he didn’t bust me either time. But, I have to say, I felt a bit cheap. Wine doesn’t really taste as nice out of a weird vessel, and being that devious made me feel a bit like…well, like an alkie. So I’m not doing that any more.
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| Subtle, huh? |
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| Hidden in plain sight |
While the cat’s away… While he was out the other night, I invited round a friend whose husband is also off the grog. Just as they had felt the need to drink for two when we were pregnant, we seemed to be compelled to make up the deficit by putting away far more than we normally would. A mistake we felt heavily on the school run, next day.
Go out loads and make him drive everywhere. Payback for all those weddings where I’ve carted everyone home despite being beside myself with exhaustion and bump-ache. Unfortunately, everyone keeps a low profile in January so the opportunity to claim full recompense is limited.
I’m pretty sure after getting through the big bangs of having one, two and then three children in just under five years, our marriage will survive dry January. The question is, will my liver?
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It must be strange for only one of you to be doing it, although, as a teetotaller, this is the story of my life. I have never had a drink in my life, so the whole thing is completely alien!
Good luck to him and hope your marriage can survive the month!
I would be annoyed! Kick him out! 😉 x
‘Go out loads and make him drive you everywhere’ ….. ha ha ha ha – absolutely! Payback can be sooooo sweet! Happy New Year lovely! X
Oh yes. My husband suggested that he might do Dry January too but he’s already fallen off that wagon! He’s definitely cut down though. I like to polish my halo that nowadays I’m a bit of a lightweight and regularly stick to one glass of Sauv Blanc per night (well, maybe one during the witching hour and one with dinner – needs must and all that!) so there’s really no point in me abstaining! I would definitely do payback for all those inconvenient wedding drives whilst pregnant though – so, so wrong! 🙂
My husband attempted to do dry Monday-Thursday January and has failed miserably! Although I failed on day 2 of Dry Jan so I guess we’re both as crap as each other. Glass of Prosecco anyone?? xx
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