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Off To Work You Go – Please, Dear!
“Time to go back to work now, dear?” Having my husband around all Christmas was lovely and all, but a teeny part of me just wants my house back!
Christmas is the only time of year that I have my husband, M, knocking around the house for an extended period – it’s fab! We can do stuff as a family, like, all the time! He gets to share every bedtime! It’s also a bit weird. It’s kind of like a glimpse into our retirement years – and, it seems, before we get there, there are a few elements of full-time co-habitation that need to be ironed out.
Justifying My Existence
I don’t know about other stay-at-home-parents, but when my partner is home on an unusual day, I feel a bit like I’m having an Ofsted inspection. Such that I feel I need to prance past him juggling laundry baskets, to show him quite how much washing I really have to do in a day. I feel like I need to set the kids on an improving activity, before cooking a wholesome lunch. To dress them within an hour of rising. To sweep the floor after every meal, instead of leaving it for a big old clean-up just before he gets home. Because, hey – he is already home! And so am I! I’m under a sort of pleasant house arrest – I daren’t even go out to the shops without explaining in detail exactly why. It’s not that he’s ever challenged me or implied he thinks I’m a slacker, I just feel the need to put on a ‘Good Home Show’. I don’t want him, as a retiree, muttering into his sherry, “This is what I worked hard for all those years, for her to go waltzing off to coffee mornings.”
The Nap TIme-Bomb
M will fall asleep anywhere. It’s like he’s already living the dream – the classic old guy who nods off after a generous luncheon, prompting indulgent smiles all round. Just a good 25 years too soon. Whether or not he had the lie-in (we, supposedly, alternate), M will say within hours of getting up that “he’s going to need a nap later”.
So, I’m on tenterhooks. When, pray, is this “nap” going to fall? It’s like the Sword of Damocles hanging over my head. A ticking time-bomb hidden somewhere in the house, that could go off at any time. Any time, except a good time, of course. This Christmas holiday, the nap seemed to strike just as the kids’ tea needed cooking, or the baby needed changing. This impromptu napping will only get worse with age. I can see us in our dotage: me standing by the door looking all Honor Blackman, while my dashing chaperone to the Rotary Club bridge drive, still in his pyjamas, snores on the sofa.
Washing Machine Hijack
OK, so I gave myself Christmas Day off the laundry (except for our baby’s bedding, which had to go in after his Fun Radar went off at midnight and he was sick, poor poppet). So, on Boxing Day, three loads behind, I went to the machine, only to find it…occupied. I know what you’re thinking, you’re lucky your husband uses the thing. Well, yes, indeed. Except, it’s messing with my system! His sneaky gym kit wash has thrown me back hours on my guest bedlinen and Christmas jumpers / PJs programme!
Questioning the Order
I’m used to running a dictatorship, where, despite my oldest son’s best efforts, I rule. What I say, goes. But when daddy’s home, there’s a division of power. And don’t the kids know it! They know we’re too pinioned by festive gorging to confer so they run between me upstairs to daddy downstairs and play us off a treat. This is true to an extent at weekends, too, but we have a structure even there – swimming lessons etc – that keeps us in check. Of course, in our retirement the boys are unlikely to be living with us still (despite my secret wish to keep them with me forever), but my point is: a ship can’t have two captains. “Are they having pasta again?” is not what you want to hear when you’re trying to bustle through a quick tea. “It won’t do any harm if they stay up till the end of the film, just this once, will it?” Why, he’s messing with the very fine balance that keeps this boat afloat!
Don’t Be Late, Dear!
This might all sound as though I don’t love having my dear husband around – of course I do. And I feel very sorry for him having to go back to work (I still remember the feeling, it’s only my second Christmas since I left the office). It’s wonderful to have a break from the routine and I’ll miss him when he goes back. After all, a husband is for Christmas, not just for life. I’m even looking forward to spending retirement with him – as long as I can drop the laundry basket panto.
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Your bloody good! When my husband is off I’m the one who naps while he is left to fight for his life 😉
Great post! Xx
Hi Katie, I like your style! To be fair to my husband, he was ill all over Christmas, and still is (YAWN!!).
You had a wonderful writing style. I do enjoyed reading about your simultaneous joy and travails. I hopped over from Claire Justine’s link-up. I am happy I did. All the best to you on a happy new year.
Sharon
http://www.afashioncrowd.blogspot.com
Naps…they’re a real thing? Your post put being a SAHM into perspective for me though because I am one of those who works full time and crams being a mum and writer into the rest of my day (writing when others sleep) but I can see from your post that you feel under pressure to perform too. That made me feel better (which may make me a bad person), so thank you for that.
Hi Dee, thanks for reading and you are not a bad person – a great one, in fact, for bothering to comment when you are probably burning to write your own stuff in the short time you have! I also write when everyone’s asleep…until one of them wakes up again 🙂 Will look forward to reading your blog asap and wish you a happy 2014.
Ooooh you write too? Books? Tell me more!
Hi, I just meant my blog posts actually, by writing. Good luck with The Mini Midwife!
Hi Sharon, thanks for hopping by! I enjoyed your post on emerald green – I normally just read parent blogs so was refreshing to come across something new. I did not know that about arsenic! Sounds very Agatha Christie! Best wishes for a great 2014.
Love the post, I have secretly been longing for the OH to go back to work and regain our normality! His nap times do also fall at rather important times, funny that!! xx
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