The Four Ages of NutriBullet: Which One Are You?

The world’s gone juice crazy! At first I scoffed, then I got curious, then I received a NutriBullet for my birthday. Now I post juice shots on Instagram with the best of them. Are you caught in the Nutri Cycle too? Are you a Nutri Virgin, Nutri Bore, Nutri Hacker or Nutri Over?

The Nutri Virgin

Hype instantly turns me off. Crazes make me sceptical. If I didn’t discover the New Best Thing, I’m not interested. Yet I’m massively interested in nutrition, always have been. So, despite my discomfit at being a late adopter, I allowed it to be understood that I wouldn’t mind one of “those Bullet things” for my birthday.

And the birthday fairy delivered (THANK YOU lovely in laws!).

So I had a brand, spanking new bit of kit. Which received the same treatment as all such arrivals. It stayed in the box for days, even weeks, while I looked at it from all angles, considering how to assimilate it into my everyday life. Or, let’s be honest:

How to use it.

Anything with more than one component fills me with dread. And if it’s electrical, heaven help me.

But blow me down, it was easy! I just shoved a load of stuff in the cup, filled it up with water and…

…produced a cup of sick.

“It tastes OK…” I said, chewing a little. ” I think it just needs…”

The Nutri Bore

And then you’re off!

You shan’t be defeated by a glorified whisk! You shall make it produce delicious, health-giving smoothies – and right now!

You’re hooked! You post picture of juice on Instagram! You discover loads of juicesters all over social media doing the same. You share tips! You compete (a little). “Have you tried acai berries? Rose water? Hyena drool?”

Tweet: You’ve joined a happy, glowing green global Nutri-tribe.

If you’re thirsty, it doesn’t even cross your mind to drink water. It’s like water doesn’t exist any more. Water! Plain, old, non-nutritious water! When you can have a kale and kumquat juice?

The Nutri Hacker

Then you get bored. You’ve juiced everything in the fridge and freezer. All you have left is some rum. Hmm, and a little mint…

It’s a Saturday afternoon. It’s sunny. I wonder if…

Tweet: Cocktails are just juices with attitude, right?

Mmm, mojito

The Nutri Over

But man shall not live by cocktails alone. And if I’m thirsty, the tap’s right there. Not sure I can be bothered to juice right now.

And so it starts.

The beginning of the end.

The NutriBullet is going the same way all the other juicers did. Oh yes, we’ve had juicers before. Back when they called them “smoothie-makers”. We owned two or three, were given another, plus a manual orange-squeezing thing that looked like a torture  device. I gave one to Oxfam recently; the rest are malingering in our garage. Along with old Nintendo64s, Sky boxes and all the other kit that seems like such a good idea at the time.

Tweet: Our garage is basically the Juicer Graveyard.

This is a projection, of course. I’m still firmly in the Nutri Convert stage and hope to remain here until I am a brilliant orange from all the betacarotene I have ingested in its most nutritious form.

What about you? Are you a Nutri Evangelist or a Nutri Refusenik?

What’s your favourite recipe?

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