Twenty-One Things People Say About Your Children – And What They Really Mean

Humans are a kindly breed, generally. They rarely say what they think to your face, above all if it’s about your children. But through years of experience, I have decoded a few popular phrases uttered in the direction of your offspring.
What They Say
What They Mean
1. Oooh, gorgeous!
Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes? Tweet: What people say: Oooh, gorgeous! What they mean: Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes? @wrymummy
2. We are a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.

We are not a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.
3. Oof, she’s a heavy one, isn’t she?

What’s in your boobs, chocolate milk?
4. Ah, he’s so dinky.

Are you feeding him at all?
5. I’m so sorry!
I’m not sorry at all. Your child blatantly just hit mine.

6. Bit snuffly, isn’t she?
Take her to hospital now!

7. I’ll text you to arrange.
I’m never having her for a playdate again.

8. He’s very sensitive, isn’t he?

He’s such a crybaby!
9. They’re very lively, aren’t they?
Seriously, if they don’t stop jumping round my furniture, I’m going to kick you out.

10. She’s very shy, isn’t she?

Oh my goodness, she’s wet.

11. She’s been absolutely fine.
She’s taken my house to pieces and made everyone cry. Don’t ever darken my doorstep again.

12.She’s very confident.
Does she ever stop talking?

13. Is she OK up there?
Are you the most irresponsible mother ever?

14. How old is he, again?

He’s a shortarse, isn’t he?
15. He loves his food.

What a pig!
16. We are all about encouraging children to read.

If your children don’t stop running round the library, I’m calling the police.

17. She’s a good girl, isn’t she?

She’s unnervingly dull.
18. He’s really bright, isn’t he?

Does he ever go outside?

19. Your children are so sweet together.

Are you going to intervene before they kill each other or what?
20. Are they all yours?

You poor cow.
21. Thirsty little fella.
That was my beer.*
* only joking
Obviously, many people say these things and mean exactly what they say, bless their hearts. For the others, smile sweetly – and avoid them for the rest of your life.
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You may also like:
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Parenting: Then and Now. Then: baby bent over. Now: he does baby yoga. 
How Old Is Your Child? A Quiz. Are you considering moving to the country? Your child is rising 5. 

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