Baby brain is a terrible curse – you find yourself forgetting the most basic thing, like how old your child is. Well, take my simple quiz and find out!
1. You feel like an all-powerful goddess-woman, riding high on a cloud of elation and intense relief.
Your child is 1 second old.
2. Owwww!
Your child is one minute old.
3. Seriously. When is this going to stop?
Your child is two weeks old.
4. You’re looking for the receipt. You want a refund.
Your child is 28 days old.
5. If someone offered you six hours’ sleep you’d give them your house.
Your child is three months’ old.
6. You’re getting clucky. Seriously, who wouldn’t want another one?
Beware! This is the ‘Baby’s One LifeBomb’!
7. You have a Cheerios carpet.
Your child is 18 months old.
8. Where has my cute baby gone?
Your child is two. You may have another baby by now to “dilute the madness”. What have you done?
9. Any day now, he is properly going to drop his nap. You don’t know what to do.
Your child is three.
10. You are attending church fervently / considering moving to a small village. Or Sweden.
Your child is rising four.
11. On top of all the other stuff you have to do, you now have to do reading books and sponge snot stains off uniform every night.
Your child is rising five.
12. You wish he wouldn’t wipe frantically at his cheek when you manage to get a kiss in.
Your child is six.
13. Your child will believe anyone before you: teachers, schoolmates, the Tesco lady.
Your child is rising seven.
14. You want to freeze time so you can enjoy that perfect, gorgeous, bright little bundle of wonderfulness forever.
Your child is the age he is right now.
I’m sorry if you have a child over 6, I’m afraid my knowledge doesn’t extend that far yet. But you could always look at the rings under your eyes, like dating a tree.
I’m uber-chuffed to be on the Shortlist for the Laugh category in BritMums’ Brilliance in Blogging Awards. If you like my blog, you can vote for it here. Name, email, click next to Wry Mummy, you’re done. Simples!
This is brilliant – so funny! 5 and 6 ring particularly true for me – I’m only just getting past the ‘house in exchange for sleep’ phase. Some days I’d still happily hand over the car! Congrats on making the shortlist – well deserved!
There is nothing like sleep deprivation. Thanks, Maddy, that’s so nice of you to say.
Fab post! My rings under my eyes (and my wrinkles and grey hair) tell me I have a 12yo, a 10yo and an 8yo.
Haha – I don’t know beyond 7 either but agree with everything on this list. Fell foul of the one year have another baby bomb too 😉 xx
Love this Jess but you are bloody lucky if they drop there naps at 3! We never even made it to two – ouch 🙁
Absolutely spot on! Brilliant!
This is absolutely brilliant, absolutely spot on – I think this might be one of my favourite posts you have written , and you have written many! Thank you for mapping out the next few years with Little A! X
Aw thanks, high praise indeed! I may have missed out a few nice bits about the stages … X
Eat your heart out Shakespeare, he only managed 7 stages…
Fabulous post. As ever you weave honesty and wit and authentic emotion. So very, very pleased you are short-listed. I’ll be holding my breath!
Fab post, very funny as ever lovely lady, and congrats on being shortlisted! xx #pocolo
Very funny post and very true. The rings under my eyes tell me I have an almost 16 year old. #pocolo
Can remember each and every one of these hilarious stages with my twin daughters, thanks for this very funny post and congratulations on being shortlisted in the BiBs.
Hhaa brilliant and so true x
This is so funny and I could happily sit next to number 7 – We have one of those carpets, lol! Never ending brushing of the floors!! Great post! x
This just cracked me up… bang on! Re: bags and lines under my eyes, not touching with a bargepole 😛 Really enjoyed reading your blog! xx
This is another brilliant post!! Good luck in the BiBs!
@katgrant30 (Bumps & Grind) x