Mum’s banging on about giving up chocolate for Lent – like that’s a big deal! We could give up way better things than that. Like spraying her hand when we’re weeing al fresco! The list is endless!
Things We Could Give Up
Pretending not to hear a thing mummy says. Especially when she’s doing that weird counting out loud thing. You know, “ONE…TWO…THREEEEE!”
Remembering everything mummy says and throwing it back at her. E.g. You said if I turned off the TV this morning I could have the IPad and a whole packet of Chocolate Fingers and five gold stars after school. And Pombears.
Loo-bombing: urgently needing the loo at the beginning of every meal / middle of any journey or supermarket / end of mum’s tether, despite having been asked repeatedly if we needed it.
Crying when given food. Even though it’s the exact same thing that yesterday we cried about because there wasn’t enough for seconds.
Loo-bombing: urgently needing the loo at the beginning of every meal / middle of any journey or supermarket / end of mum’s tether, despite having been asked repeatedly if we needed it.
Crying when given food. Even though it’s the exact same thing that yesterday we cried about because there wasn’t enough for seconds.
Crying when not given food. Asking for a snack is like breathing for us.
Throwing our food, complete with plate, on the floor to signify the end of a meal.
All shouting at mummy at the same time, all the time.
Screaming if the TV is obstructed. Ducking and diving around whatever hapless body part of mummy’s is spoiling our viewing pleasure for one microsecond, even if it’s to hand us the snacks we’ve been baying for.
Wading in mud at all opportunities. Especially on the way IN to school.
Throwing our food, complete with plate, on the floor to signify the end of a meal.
All shouting at mummy at the same time, all the time.
Screaming if the TV is obstructed. Ducking and diving around whatever hapless body part of mummy’s is spoiling our viewing pleasure for one microsecond, even if it’s to hand us the snacks we’ve been baying for.
Wading in mud at all opportunities. Especially on the way IN to school.
Taking 20 minutes to get from car to chemist, a distance that would take mummy on her own 60 seconds to cover.
Grabbing poo-ey nappies mid-change and trying to brandish them around our head. Mummy’s reflexes aren’t what they were.
Mishearing mummy. When she says, ‘It’s time for school”, she’s clearly saying, “It’s time to take your trousers off, turn the TV back on, and get all the Lego out.”
Mistreating mummy’s person. Whacking her on the nose with a flat palm, elbowing her in the boob, flicking her with a stuffed snake, punching her on the bottom…
Mistreating mummy’s person. Whacking her on the nose with a flat palm, elbowing her in the boob, flicking her with a stuffed snake, punching her on the bottom…
Mixing up all the toy boxes after Mummy’s Big Sort-Out. The one that took a whole week and made her flushed with an inner pride. We don’t care if we can’t find a toy easily – we just tip them all out and swoosh them round every floor in the house.
Coming back downstairs after we’ve had bedtime stories, cuddles, tickles, songs, hair-stroking and kisses, and frightening mummy into spilling the wine she’s pouring.
The night-waking tag team. If it’s not one of us, it’s another. Sometimes it’s all of us, all at separate times.
You Love Us Just As We Are
We could give any of these things up in a flash – but we won’t. Cos we’re kids! Besides, what would our parents do with themselves all day?
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I’m delighted to have been nominated for the MAD Blog Awards in Best New Blog, Most Entertaining, Best Writer and (by blood relatives) Blog of the Year – but every nomination counts, so please consider voting for me too!
Love it! My daughter could do with giving up climbing on everything and taking her shoes off when we’re out at any given opportunity!
Oh yes, the climbing! Like trying to stop the tide.
I’m still traumatised by toy lobbing and swishing after my last big sort out. I’m also wearing a nasty graze on my thumb and many bruises to the shins. Please stop being so mean.
haha Love it!!!.. I can spot things here that my kids should give up for Lent 🙂
I am giving up chocolate too but just ate a bag of beef hula hoops on Ash Wednesday *gasp*. Love this post and yes to them all and especially laughing at the screaming in front of the TV one hahaha – cheeky little monkeys xxx
Kids are bitches. Sorry, I’m in one of THOSE moods. What is the night tag-team waking thing about?? What is WRONG with them???
Just so you know, the frigging ‘G’ on my kepboard isn’t working very well (probably has a massive bit of crisp under it from one of the kids) So I’ve gone back on all the G’s and crunched that mofo. Thanks 🙂 Also, thanks for reminding me that my kids aren’t the only ones. We are not alone 🙂 xxx
I think for me it has to be the pretending not to listen; they just zone out when you are asking them to do something, seems to be inbuilt from when they are baby’s, or maybe Little A picked it up when I ‘ignore’ husband’s requests :o). X
Ha ha- little darlings! Lucky we love them right?
Right, the little rays of sunshine!