Baby brain is a terrible curse – you find yourself forgetting the most basic thing, like how old your child is. Well, take my simple quiz and find out!
1. You feel like an all-powerful goddess-woman, riding high on a cloud of elation and intense relief.
Your child is 1 second old.
Your child is one minute old.
3. Seriously. When is this going to stop?
Your child is two weeks old.
4. You’re looking for the receipt. You want a refund.
Your child is 28 days old.
5. If someone offered you six hours’ sleep you’d give them your house.
Your child is three months’ old.
6. You’re getting clucky. Seriously, who wouldn’t want another one?
Beware! This is the ‘Baby’s One LifeBomb’!
7. You have a Cheerios carpet.
Your child is 18 months old.
8. Where has my cute baby gone?
Your child is two. You may have another baby by now to “dilute the madness”. What have you done?
9. Any day now, he is properly going to drop his nap. You don’t know what to do.
Your child is three.
10. You are attending church fervently / considering moving to a small village. Or Sweden.
Your child is rising four.
11. On top of all the other stuff you have to do, you now have to do reading books and sponge snot stains off uniform every night.
Your child is rising five.
12. You wish he wouldn’t wipe frantically at his cheek when you manage to get a kiss in.
Your child is six.
13. Your child will believe anyone before you: teachers, schoolmates, the Tesco lady.
Your child is rising seven.
14. You want to freeze time so you can enjoy that perfect, gorgeous, bright little bundle of wonderfulness forever.
Your child is the age he is right now.
I’m sorry if you have a child over 6, I’m afraid my knowledge doesn’t extend that far yet. But you could always look at the rings under your eyes, like dating a tree.
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