Birth announcements lost in a scroll-load of Facebook updates. Babies whose first words are in click language, they’re papped so often. Pushchair pile-ups as mummies check email on the move. Do smartphones help or hinder motherhood?
I Don’t Care What The Weatherman Says
The other day, I found myself checking my weather app to confirm that it was actually raining – despite the fact I could clearly see raindrops falling on the window. “But it’s not going to rain till 3 o’clock!” I cried, before swiftly cancelling my park plans via Facebook Messenger. Then the sun came out. But everyone had already made other plans, in the beat of an email. Sound familiar?
In the olden days, before smartphones, I used to go out with the kids. We used to go to the park, get caught in a sudden downpour, and all cram under the slide in the ‘ice cream parlour’. It was fun! We’d splash through puddles in our Crocs and make an emergency stop in a café halfway home, the windows steaming as we drank our babycinos, smiling at the other mums caught out by the shower. The camaraderie was practically like the Blitz. Now, when I am stripping off my mud-soaked children in the boot of the car because – horrors! – I took the 40% chance of rain at 2.32pm as a 60% chance it wouldn’t, I feel like the be-anoraked mums around me are thinking, ‘What’s wrong with her, doesn’t she have an IPhone?’
Well, yes I do. And I’m a slave to it as much as the next mum. Of course it’s useful when you’re planning a day out, or deciding whether to send the kids to school in a coat or sunhat. But when I caught myself questioning the evidence of my own eyes and ears, I realised that the weather app can only get you so far. And it can still be wrong, just like in Michael Fish’s day.
The Birth Announcement: Scroll and You Miss It
I love it when I see a new baby on Facebook. Then I scroll past it. What is this madness? I revere the arrival of new life, yet the Curse of the Itchy Thumb makes me flick past the announcement with only slightly less speed than a picture of someone’s lunch, seemingly desperate as I am to see some more cute cats being hypnotised by a roll of Sellotape. Once I’ve ‘Liked’ a birth, subconsciously I think: ‘job done’. Whereas before I would send a gushy text, a card and even a present, now I have to remind myself that a Facebook acknowledgement of a tiny human’s safe passage into this world is not sufficient! I was recently informed that my cousin had given birth to a bonny baby girl – via a lovely email from my over-the-moon uncle. Yet in some ridiculous part of my mind, I didn’t really believe it to be true until she posted a picture of the gorgeous poppet a week later. Since when did everything have to be ‘confirmed by Facebook’?
Yet when I had my own (third baby) fairly recently, I was drafting the Facebook announcement before I even went into labour. I like the lovely comments and being able to share the moment in real time – with a newborn, who knows when you’re going to be able to see everyone in person, or even phone them? It could be a year or more, by which time the excitement of breaking the news has dissipated somewhat: “Oh, yeah – I had a baby. That’s her walking around over there.”. Yes, it meant that a few ex-colleagues heard the news before my non-Facebook-using friends, but at least I got to share my happiness with a large number of my nearest and dearest.
When A Baby’s First Word Is ‘Cheeeese’
I’ve got thousands of photos of my children – and thanks to the ease of my IPhone, my third baby’s (virtual) album is vast. The truism that there are far fewer photos of subsequent children doesn’t hold in the Instagram age. I don’t care that I have ten shots of the same picture; I treasure every one. With my memory shot to bits by age and child-rearing, they will be priceless reminders of these precious years.
But when your baby says ‘Cheeeese’ whenever he sees your phone? It’s harder and harder to catch them in a natural moment? You start to wonder if you’re missing more than you’re recording.
Smartphone Arrangements – To Be or Not To Be?
The ‘right to cancel without notice or blame’ came in with texting, but smartphones have taken this to a whole new level. You can now let someone down any which way but by phone call. You may have had ‘something in the diary’ (ICalendar) for ages, confirmed via email a couple of days before and heard positive noises over Facebook messenger within 24 hours of the meet-up, but is it really and truly, actually going to happen? Before ‘cancellation culture’ became the norm, I used to quite like it when a fellow mum would arrive sweaty after legging it from the health visitor, with a screaming baby in a smelly nappy, which she promptly dumped on me while she staggered gasping to the counter begging for a latte. That 15 minutes of face time (as opposed to Facetime) before one of us had to dash off to baby Tai Chi was a little oasis in our days – of human contact, sympathy and someone to hold your baby while you went to the loo in peace.
On the other hand, who has time to make calls these days? With kids and / or colleagues inevitably clamouring in the background, it’s hard to make an arrangement over the phone. And, if you’re a bit phone-phobic like me, texts and Facebook messenger allow you to achieve some semblance of a social whirl without actually talking to anyone till you’re face to face.
You Can Never Be Lonely With A Smartphone?
Many parents feel that it can be isolating to be alone with your baby. With a smartphone, at least you can phone a friend, or your mum. My mother remembers feeling terribly lonely in the park sometimes and thinks we’re lucky to have phones these days. And I have to agree.
But when your baby thinks her mother is an IPhone? Obviously, there’s a balance here. It’s tempting to get lost in your phone but you might then miss the little person turning into a great companion right under your nose. Yes, I am as guilty as anyone of calling the dentist and doing a random Facebook quiz while charged with the care of my brood, but like many mums I know, I’m making a conscious effort to keep phone use in front of the children to emergencies only. Just need to send this tweet…
Do you think smartphones enhance or inhibit your experience of motherhood? Answers on a postcard please.
This article is also featured on The Huffington Post.
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Linking up with #PoCoLo – a link up for ANY blog post you have written including sponsored posts and linkys of your own – join in!
Great post and definitely something to think about. I’m always using my phone and I’m conscious of it at he same time. I’m he mum who is on Twitter at soft play sometimes. It’s been a saviour for me this last 19 months but also a hindered R at the same time if it makes sense. I’m actively trying to not usemy phone so much these days. I don’t want L to think I’m all for that and not bothered about him. Great post.
Love this post! I survived three kids coming into the world and raised them through toddlerhood and into school before my iPhone. I suspect if I’d had the iPhone at that time, the kids would have had a lot less attention! I do think the iPhone is the best thing since sliced bread, but probably just as well I didn’t have it to distract me when the kids were tiny.
I am of course commenting on my phone whilst ‘supervising’ some drawing and supposedly making snacks. WHAT DID MUMS DO BEFORE PHONES? I have literally no idea how that would work…. Fab post yet again. kx
#brilliantblogposts
Brill post Jess! I totally get the posed-for photo thing – my 3 have developed this ‘camera face’ which is so unlike their real smile that I almost forget what that looks like! Oh, and then they ask to see the pics, just to check that they look ok in them. What have we created?! 🙂 xx
Oooh thought-provoking post Jess! I veer between loving smartphones (loads of snaps of the kids, opening times of obscure child-friendly attractions/cafes on tap), and disliking them. I dislike the fact I have an iphone as i’m always bloody on it, despite my best intentions, and I worry that this will mess up the kids, seeing me glued to my phone. I also agree with you re the ‘cancellation culture’, it makes me feel really quite sad, that we can just ditch others and plans on a whim. Gone are the days when you arranged to meet by a phone box in town and your mate would have to phone it to tell you she’d be late! Aaaah, good times… I also miss a good phone call and a chat, even though time is more limited now. What’s App has replaced chats in our friendship group, which is okay but I still don’t think you get the fluidity of a vocal conversation. God, I sound old now, and I’m really not! Great post 🙂 x
This is a fab post! I read something the other day that said how many parents say ‘two seconds’ to their child while they finish something on their phone. But who is more important? Your phone, your fb etc can wait- your child can’t. I have been making a real effort to not be on my phone as much in the day/ #Brillblogposts
Oh I think (worry!) about this from time to time. My husband and I both use our iPhones a lot. Admittedly his is for his work – he’s self employed. Mine is for the blog and social media 🙁 My eldest has just recently gotten one and I conscious of how often she uses it. I think I need to led by example!!
I have iPhone guilt sometimes – thinking I am using it too much. Obviously it isn’t glued to me 24/7 but like most mums, it’s so handy for quickly arranging, checking (weather), making a GP appointment, firing off a quick email etc. without having to log on the computer and properly disturb whatever I’m doing with my little one. I do think I’d have been a bit lost without it in the baby days – especially when my son would only sleep on me, for hours at a time! Very well observed piece 🙂 #PoCoLo
I did the birth announcement like thing only this morning – how bad is that?! I too also feel like threatening my weather app with legal proceedings when I’ve based my entire day round the time it says it will pee it down – then it just plain LIES to me
Love this! I’m kinda obsessed with my weather app. I check it throughout the day. Looking out the window is for suckers! 😉 xx
Very thought provoking post. I have a love-hate relationship with my iPhone, I love how useful it is, but hate that I am so dependant on it too! 🙂 Popped over from PoCoLo
Great post!
I knew my phone dependence was out of hand when both my husband and I checked the weather on our phone apps (me HTC, him iPhone) simply to compare – they both said different things and it threw us in a spin about the days plans!!
Seriously though, I do admit to being a bit dependent. It’s great for my work (I work for myself from home) but I am guilty of being distracted…when I really shouldn’t be. I’m trying to limit myself.
Xx
I don’t have them till October last year. Yes I lived without cellphone. I just got it cuz I need the alarm. The analog clock battery went out and I didn’t know and I was super late one time in picking my son up. So I gave in. I still don’t use it as much. Just the clock and camera really #pocolo
Fabulous post huni. Without my phone I WOULD DIE Simples 😉 xx #PoCoLo
You make such good points. This ‘confirmed by Facebook’ phenomenon is so true! We’re all slaves and it takes SO much effort to actually pay attention to the real world.
Loved this lady and you’ve raised so many important posts, yes a phone offers security, knowing you can call or connect but it’s important not replace actual life or sending cards or meeting real people in 3D in favour for your phone, then as much as it connects, it can isolate. I remember cramming in a cafe or ice cream parlour when it rained and just not expecting so much. Just ‘being’ more, that’s what this year is going to be for me. Thanks for linking up this wonderful post to #brilliantblogposts x
*points…*because then as much (you can tell I’m tired can’t you) x
This is a great post – and oh so very true about the ‘Gods’ that have become both iPod and Facebook. It really does start to replace real life if you are not careful. Mine has started to go away so much more now – and I feel so much better for it. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo 🙂 x
Amazing post and completely agree! There really has to be a balance. I wrote about trying to have a little phone amnesty as I found myself checking out what Kim K was wearing whilst my daughter was eating her lunch!!! How rude was I?!!! It’s hard but phones are such a huge part of modern life…but you really have to balance it or as like you said, you can miss out on something amazing right under your nose. x
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Great post. I spent most of my time reading it nodding in agreement!
About our parents calling it an isolation tool, is it really true? i mean we are tweeting and posting on our phones and all but is it really, really social?