Hairdressers have a special code. However bad your hair’s turned out, they never gasp or pass you a sick bucket. But through years of experience, I have learnt the phrases that basically mean: CODE RED!
1. “We’re just going to put a treatment on you.”
a) we’ve bleached your hair to kingdom come and it will fall off if we don’t act NOW.
b) we’re running way behind and I’m parking you at the sinks for half an hour while I catch up on my next client.
c) what are we supposed to do when you obviously don’t look after your hair properly?
d) we wish to add £25 to your bill.
None of which is good.
2. Have you thought about a fringe?
IT’S A TRICK! Of course you’ve thought of it – you’re always toying with the idea of a fringe. But if you suited a fringe, you’d already have one, wouldn’t you? Remember last time you had one and had to wash and straighten it twice a day until it eventually grew out two years later? Don’t fall for it!
3. “Sam, can you just put a toner on this?”
You are orange. You are no longer a person but a specimen.
4. “I’m just going to put you back under the heat again.”
You are orange. But they washed half the highlights out before they noticed.
5. “Where did you go last time?”
Your hair is awful. And I’m going to punish you for cheating on us at another hairdresser by metaphorically ripping your hair to shreds.
6. “What products do you use?”
Your hair is like a bird’s nest.
7. “You said three inches off, right?”
You didn’t. You cry.
And the absolute worst:
They have done wrong. There are no words. They pass you a tissue.
What hairdressing phrases do you dread to hear?
Linking up with #TheList at You Baby Me Mummy and Mums Days.