The more kids you have, the less welcome you are. Or is that just us? However much you like us, why would you invite a tornado into your house? We are the Patersons, and we are Playdate Pariahs.
The Big Bang Family
Since we tipped from a fairly manageable family of four into a party of five, even our oldest friends have stopped inviting us anywhere. I know to those with four or more kids, three must sound like a piffling number – I can’t even imagine how you handle more, and have huge respect for you. But I think there is a case of quality over quantity. The quality of my sons’ company is atomic. They are a seething mass of loud, explosive energy. Opening the front door to us must be like witnessing the birth of the cosmos – the temptation to bang the door on the Big Bang Family must be immense.
Less Babe-in-Arms than Babe-in-Cupboards
But say you do let us in, what can you expect? Hugs, high fives, fist bumps, mwah mwah – and then…annihilation. We are the very embodiment of a kiss and a punch. It was kind of OK when our littlie was a babe-in-arms, but now he can walk, he is a babe-in-cupboards. He’ll eviscerate your storage solutions in seconds. He will probably smash something within five minutes. He’s not naughty, he’s just curious. His big brothers (recently turned 6 and 4, respectively) are not naughty, either (generally). But, like water, they will find a way. Having assessed the toy status of the downstairs rooms, they will be up in the bedrooms like a shot. Before I can croak, “Please don’t, darlings!” they’ll have the completed Lego models off their display shelves and be making their own improvements. Or jumping on your bed, taking care to throw down all the pillows in the house to make a soft landing for their little brother. A disarmingly cute touch, but just not good in someone else’s house.
Meanwhile, you will get a few snatches of chat out of us (or just me, if it’s a weekday). These efforts at conversation are well-meant, but it’s like trying to talk through the Great Wall of Children. An impenetrable blockade of boisterousness, barracking, and “where’s the baby?” as I realise for the tenth time that minute that he has given me the slip and gone out through the door the others have left open yet again.
There’s No Such Thing As A Free Playdate
Obviously, the gaping hole that is my playdate calendar is entirely my own fault. Because I never invite people to our house. I can see the Holy Grail of Playdates – the solo venture, where you get to palm your child off on his friend’s family for a couple of hours. But I can’t touch it. Because right now, the thought of adding an extra child to the after-school mix makes me want to weep. I’ve heard that the two friends play happily together and thus keep one of your children occupied, so theoretically, it should be better. However, what if the friends don’t actually have any play chemistry? What do I do if they want to exclude the little two, who are desperate to play too, leaving them crying outside the door? Also, I find bedtime enough of a struggle without dealing with a playdate comedown too. (See Kids’ Bedtime – The Last Straw.)
Changing our World, One Playdate At a Time
You may be thinking, why don’t you just control your children, then you might get more invites? To which, I say: Yes, indeed. As if controlling my children were not the work, prize, and bane of my life. I try my hardest, but it’s like trying to harness the North Wind. I’m hopeful that when my youngest is a little older, I may be able to contemplate a fine schedule of playdates. (I was going to say, when I’m less tired, but if we waited for that, I think they’d be old enough to drive themselves to their mates’ houses). But in the interests of my “new mummy” resolution, I am going to try and arrange one playdate for each child this term, and see how it goes. Any takers?
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ha our boys sound very similar but maybe that’s just boys for you. Try controlling them?! wow what a stupid comment 😉
I must admit i love playdates though but that is probably as i just have one playdate aged child, he is so happy when he has a little partner in crime around and for that i don’t mind the chaos so much! Oh and he also has a penchant for disappearing upstairs at other peoples houses – even if they don’t have kids. he just seems to think he can get up to mischief away from prying eyes 😉
Upstairs is especially good when there are no kids – real stuff to wreck, not just toys, yay! I’d be interested to know if people with a girl/s have the same issues harnessing their energy. I know one way to calm mine down – the IPad, but that kinda defeats the object of a playdate…
Great writing, Jess. Particularly love the bit about ‘trying to harness the North Wind’. Ha! Axx
Thanks hon! It is actually like that – but don’t let that put you off seeing us! xx
It must be hard work with three, I only have the one! But having more must make the play date politics a lot more complicated! And I want to see the birth of the cosmos – can I come knock on your door?
You’d be very welcome! You’ll need chocolate fingers and ear defenders. X
I have three too so feel your pain ha. They’d be very welcome here – its is all destroyed anyway xxx
They sound like fun! I only have one and have been asked (by random strangers smh) about ‘controlling’ him. What, you mean teach him to sit still and be quiet? No thanks, I want him tired at the end of the day, not frustrated. I’m not great with chaos at home as the space feels too small (my problem, as working on it) but we do a lot of outdoor playdates, which are awesome!