When being maternal gets misconstrued
It started innocuously enough. After an abs session at the gym, I happened to fall into conversation with the new fitness coach, Tom*. He asked me about my exercise routine and goals, I said I wanted to drink wine and eat chocolate guilt-free. I asked him what he did before joining our gym and he told me a bit about his career, including playing county rugby. He said he had to give it up because…and here I found myself uttering this deathless phrase:
“You don’t want to ruin your beautiful face.”
I don’t know why I said it. It just came out! Of course, I had noticed that he was a total hunk of divinity, but very much in an ‘ooh, his mother must be proud’ kind of way. I can honestly say when he mentioned the rugby thing that I went off into a reverie about my oldest son’s (aged 6) very recent foray into this sport and was ratcheting through my various feelings on the subject – dreams of World Cup glory, fears of a smashed-up face – which led to my final comment. I can thus excuse what came out of my mouth, to myself. But Tom now backs away whenever he sees me coming. You see, I have become an accidental cougar.
Once I was a flirt; now I am a mother hen.
This was by no means an isolated incident. It all started when I had my first child.
Once you become a mother, you feel full of such emotion and power that sometimes it feels like you could mother the whole world. Mother to one, mother to all. Now I’ve had three, and am permanently around other people’s children too, I can’t keep my maternal manner at bay. In general, this ought to be good for society – offering a kind, interested and sympathetic face to the general public.
However, when it comes to males young enough to be my son – at a stretch (I’m late-thirties) – it can backfire sometimes, as I’ve discovered. “Good for your muscles!” I’ll call gaily to the young chap pushing the trolleys in the supermarket carpark. He nearly rams them into a car. “Oh, youlook a bit tired today,” I recently told one of the baristas at my favourite café, as if I were going to proceed to put him down for a nap. He said he was hungover; I asked whether he was out with mates, in a ‘check he got home safe’ type way. He seemed to construe this in an ‘are you single?’ type way and now I can’t order my decaf cappuccino without ducking knowing smiles from him and his pals.
But I can rise above this. I know my intentions are pure. It’s too late with Tom – if I tried to retract the “beautiful face” (still cringing) comment, it will just seem like I’m protesting too much. As long as I limit myself to transactional-based chat and keep my cheery commentary for my own children, I may yet shake off my reputation. Is it just me or do you ever find yourself being an Accidental Cougar?
*Names have been changed.
Eeek! That made me laugh. I haven’t done it, but I can see how it would happen. As the mother of a 13yo boy I sometimes look at other 13-16yo boys and think ‘Ooh, what a lovely boy’. What I’m thinking is ‘his mother must be proud’, but it may look to the outside world that I’m ogling them!
Ha! Very funny, and I have recently done this with my physio (who happens to be totally hot). Worse, when he was doing the thing when they get your back to crunch, he kind of has to lie on me to use his body weight (I appreciate this sounds all kinds of wrong) and I groan and then giggle at my groaning and it’s all really embarrassing. I had not realised this has potential cougar written all over it until now. DAMN YOU. xx
I wonder …. Possibly these young fellows are struggling with their feelings for older women and are deeply attracted to you? That might explain their subsequent reticence. Next time you’re in gym, hire a 15 stone bodybuilder to accompany you for the session. That should put your trainer at ease. J x
Haha Brilliant!! Did you say it in a high-pitched cutchy coo voice? That’s my issue now, remembering to speak in an adult tone when I’m not talking to my baby!x
I love this you are so funny. I can imagine this happens to a few. I wouldn’t know what to do in the situation but your post had me laughing as always. Love it!
This is brilliant – you are so funny; I can’t imagine how much you squirm every time you see him down the gym…. I am not an accidental cougar – I married a man seven years younger than me. X
Love this bab. I worry I am an actual cougar! That is more of a problem. I can hear your lovely accent saying it as well. I did read this over on the huff post but thought I would comment over here xxx
There are no words. Laughing too much.
I can’t stop laughing, I think this has been me a lot without actually realising. This is amazing xx
Hilarious Jess, you had me nodding all the way through it! Aren’t we embarrassing? You wait til your kids are older, they will be running away in shame!
Oh you make me smile 🙂
I am not an accidental couger… sadly I just find myself saying the wrong thing because I’m a bit dim… Then I blush… Then they all point and laugh!
Keep doing it though, I’ll bet you make their day xx
Love this, get perving I say hahah! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x
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How come I am never that lucky… I don’t go to gym tho 😉
I’m sure there’s plenty of intentional cougars out there!