Kids lick the icing off cakes. Fact. Some may eat the cake too, but there are many, like mine, who would go through a whole tray of cakes if they could, just skimming off the icing with their little filter-feeder mouths. So I got to thinking, as we were baking the other day, what if I just iced – something else? Like a stone.
Would they really lick the icing off anything – even a rock? But then one of them would probably crack a big tooth and turn my little experiment into a disfiguring reminder of my guilt forever more. I don’t know how it came to me, but I thought – a mushroom! It’s the right kind of shape, I had some in the fridge – and the kids loathe them!
Some claim that life’s too short to ice a mushroom, (I paraphrase) – but actually, for parents, I find there are lots of little pockets of time where you can’t really get anything particularly useful done, so you might as well do something silly and ultimately pointless.
Like when they’re playing nicely, which you know won’t last a nanosecond if you start putting away laundry, for example, so you start straightening up your ancient jam and pickles area in the fridge. Obviously there is not enough time to make the momentous decision to finally part with a kindly gifted homemade preserve, scrape the (probably very mouldy by now) contents into the bin and wash out the encrusted jar for recycling. Or when there is two minutes till the pasta is ready and you have squandered the other eight doing who knows what, but you can’t really capitalise on those two minutes because it’s too short a window. So you hover paralysed by the stove, vaguely thinking, “Will I ever move out of this sink-stove vortex?”
But that ten-minute lull between the children finishing a meal and asking for “something to eeee-at” is just long enough to do something daft. And there was the leftover icing just sitting there. So I did indeed ice a mushroom. Three, in fact.
How did I make them stand up so they wouldn’t drip everywhere, I hear you cry. I stuck ’em in a basil pot, of course.
I scattered on some hundreds and thousands for good measure, enjoying myself surprisingly much – amazed and amused at my own idiocy.
I popped them in the fridge to set and closed the door, rubbing my hands together a bit like Mrs Twit in Roald Dahl’s classic tale of domestic prankery. “The look on their faces when I tell them they licked a mushroom!” I thought to myself, tittering inwardly.
But as if to punish my lunacy, those lurky mushrooms wiped the smile clean off my chops. When I got them out again, they had – there can be no other description for it – spitefully drunk all the icing. So instead of a nice set glaze to trick the children into mouthing a mushroom, there were just some sorry hundreds and thousands clinging on to a revolting sticky mound. Porous little pesks. Needless to say, the children clasped their hands to their mouths making vomiting noises as soon as they clapped eyes on them.
The moral of the story?
Be thankful to your children, for they give you the interludes
you need to be creative.
or
Don’t ever think you can fool your kids.
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| Until I think of some other way to test my “will eat icing off anything theory”, I will continue to make cakes. Luckily, they are always happy to help… |
Speaking of people who just lick the icing off cakes,
a very happy birthday to my darling sister!
This made me laugh a lot as about 3 seconds before reading it I too was rearranging that shelf of crappy jars in the fridge. THAT is where my time goes! I am sorry to hear about the demise of the iced mushroom, 10 out of 10 for creative effort though!
That’s so funny. I hate that area of the fridge! I just didn’t see that icing drinking coming!
Hahahahahaha. I tell you where my two minutes waiting for the pasta to boil goes. Making coffee. Everytime. Glad I know about the mushrooms though, those thirsty so and sos. xx
You could try icing coffee beans? Decaf ones for the kids? Mmm, I might actually try that…!xx
LOVE this!!! And I think you are a genius for even coming up with this!!! x
Either that or losing my marbles little by little! Thanks Laura. x
Haha you are the funniest lady ever! But very sad that the experiment didn’t work out. Perhaps next time you should try icing a cauliflower. 😉 xx
That could work…watch this space! I don’t think you could pass it for a cake though. I’m sure there’s a business idea here. Innocent, watch out! xx
Lol that is hilarious! Love your creativity though. And I know just what you mean about those small pockets of time. That 2 minute pasta window usually finds me hunting in the cupboard to find the chocolate that hubby hides in there for me to find (at least I think that’s why he hides it…!)
Ha ha, I do my fair share of behind-cupboard-door scoffing too. Your husband must wonder where his secret stash is going…;)
Another awesome post Jess! I can’t believe those naughy shrooms drank.all the kids icing!! You’ve got to keep trying though. I’ve managed to convince my girls that mashed cauliflower is actually potatoes, a small victory but one all the same xx
Thanks Renee! Now THAT is a result! I’m going to try that one, may start off 3/4 and 1/4 first. My children have very sensitive palates – they can taste a vegetable diluted by 1000!xx
Cheese. You could ice cheese. Except that they probably like cheese, which would defeat the object. There must be other loathed foodstuffs which are non-porous. This experiment needs pursuing.
They do like cheese – but I don’t mind, that is a great idea! It’s ready-to-eat from the fridge without all the baking and mess!
Brilliant! Love the fact you stuck them in the basil pot.
Thanks, I thought that was quite inspired too! Except that I then ended up icing most of the leaves too, and it didn’t like being in the fridge one bit!
Brilliant! But take a moment: while the mushrooms cruelly ruined your experiment by guzzling their pretty topping, those forgotten jars of preserves, possibly out of sheer boredom, embellished themselves. One food’s mould is another’s icing.
“One food’s mould is another’s icing” – I love that! The jars aren’t forgotten, I just can’t eat them all by myself…the rest of the family can’t abide pickles of any variety! x
I love this! As a whole, sometimes we do spend so much time worrying about how to get the big stuff done that it is all too easy to forget about having fun in the little moments.
Thanks Tim! Yes, that is so true, and ultimately happiness is very much made up of the moment, isn’t it, rather than the long term.
This made me laugh. Your mind clearly works in some strange and interesting ways. During the ‘pasta boiling’ time, I usually check Twitter (and the pasta boils over) or just sit on the radiator, because it’s so WARM. Perhaps this is because my entire family picks the icing off cakes and chucks it away. We’re a family of chocaholics, but icing is way too sweet for us!
Oh yes, I enter the Twitter vortex too sometimes, with messy consequences!
Oh Jess, I LOVE your creativity! 🙂 And thankyou for pioneering the icing of vegetables. I can strike mushrooms off the list of ones to try now! 🙂 xxx
Ha ha, I’d love to know if you find a good one, ha ha! xxx
I am crying here-you iced mushrooms. I need you in my life, move to Leeds please. Love that you were wringing your hands like Mrs Twit (best book ever)-Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x
You know when you see a post called ‘Life’s Too Short To Ice A Mushroom’ it’s going to be good, and it didn’t disappoint! This really is a #brilliantblogpost 🙂
Quick somebody! She’s totally lost the plot – pass her a G&T and slap her around the face with a wet fish 😉 x
Try tomatoes? My kids hate them so it’s defo going on the list of things to do. x
Hahaa that’s so funny! Who would’ve thought the greedy mushrooms would’ve eaten the icing though?! There must be some kind of science experiment for the kids in there somewhere?! You could blindfold the kids and get them to eat three different iced objects and get them to guess what they are?! x
I too am a cake licker – can I come and live at your house then?!?